Positive Discipline: The First Three Years-Laying the Foundation for Raising a Capable, Confident Child Paperback – August 19, 1998

I found this a great source to understanding a toddler's world, how very young children see the world and how they don't understand things the way adults think they do. The discipline methods this book teaches work great, I get a much better response with positive discipline than with any negative or passive methods (yelling, demanding, time-outs, etc). Even if you don't happen to like the methods in this book, it's very helpful for understanding your child and not expecting things from them that aren't age-appropriate.

great resource for small children, but wouldrecommend instead the book for preschoolerswhich has more information and techniques fortoddlers.

First of all, let me say that nowhere in this book do the authors advocate weaning by twelve months or letting a baby "cry it out," as some reviewers claimed. If it did, I would have put it down right away in the bookstore and not bought it. If it seemed to clash with Attachment Parenting, a style I am fond of and have used for most of my daughter's nearly three years, I also would have been less inclined to read it. But it doesn't do any of those things.As far as nursing, it merely encourages mothers to watch their children for signs of readiness to wean, instead of forcing a pre-determined schedule for weaning (whether it be at three months or three years). I know several people whose children weaned themselves around one year, so I think there is some truth to the idea that some babies are ready to wean then. I personally nursed my daughter until just over two, so I am not biased against extended nursing. And neither are the authors--they just say to find resources such as La Leche League and other books to discuss nursing, weaning, and extended nursing further. This is not their area of expertise, and they do not claim it to be.As far as Attachment Parenting (AP), this book makes no reference to it, period. Some reviewers have said that it is pro-AP and some said it is against-AP. I can't find evidence of either. As I said, I raised my daughter so far strongly guided by the principles of AP. However, she is almost three, and I feel that I need some other philosophies to guide me in my choices. I have not read The Discipline Book by Dr. Sears, but from what I hear it is like most of his books and a bit repetitive of information in all of his books (many of which I have read). I needed a new approach, so I came to the Positive Discipline camp.To quote the book, "The key is a balance that meets the needs of everyone concerned. A baby should not be left in a playpen or infant seat too long, and a parent should not feel like a slave to his or her child." Furthermore, they say, "When in doubt, always trust your heart." Now how does this conflict with Attachment Parenting?I personally felt like a slave to my child many times when strictly following the guidelines of AP. I am not at all of the mindset that babies should toughen up or learn to soothe themselves at a young age, but there are times in life when we as parents need a break--like to shower, cook a meal, tend to another child, or go to the bathroom alone. This book helps parents find that balance.This book is very helpful in demonstrating age appropriateness. It helps to be reminded that a toddler's brain is not like ours, and that they are not capable of understanding concepts that we think they should. There are several ways the author suggests to see for yourself, and that is extremely helpful. To acknowledge this is not insulting to my or my child's intelligence (as one reviewer said); it is honoring it. Humans have extremely complex brains and it takes time to develop them. A three year old's brain is not nearly as developed as ours. Period.On the same token, we should not force infants as that reviewer said into "Infant education." That is absurd. Some parents go overboard in trying to "teach" their infants things they are not ready to understand yet. Let kids be kids. Play is a children's work. They learn through experience and discovery, not through videos, TV, flashcards or "lessons" at four hour intervals at age three. That is what the authors are saying. As far as footnotes, this book isn't written in that format. It's not supposed to be a research summary. It is a book to guide parents in disciplining their children. The authors do in fact reference researchers, which is all they need to do for this type of book.It would be helpful if reviewers of this and other books mentioned their children's ages. I can see how this would not be helpful immediately for parents of an infant. Other books are more appropriate for that age.I bought this book after hearing a lot of great things from parents whose parenting styles are similar to mine and have pleasant, well-behaved children. I have used some of the methods and strategies that the authors suggest and IT WORKS!!!I was at my wits' end with my daughter. She went through a strong testing phase and about did me in. I tried everything--time outs, removal of priveledges, and even a pop on the bottom (twice only, when she was totally out of control). Nothing worked and it all got worse. She went from having a time out once a week to three times a week to three times a day within a couple of weeks. Just as the authors say, punishment does not work. "Children do better when they feel better" they say, and when they are punished, they think to themselves, "I'm bad." Well guess what? My daughter has even said to me, "I'm bad," even though I have NEVER uttered those words or anything like it to her. And neither has anyone who has taken care of her, either. This is a judgement she came up with because she was being punished.I, however, have taken time out. The first time she had a tantrum after reading this book and using the methods (tantrums do happen, the authors say, despite our best efforts), I took a timeout and as the authors suggested I ignored her, picked up a book, and moved to a different room. She finally calmed down, I gave her a hug, did not make a big deal about it, and everything was fine. I let her know that having a tantrum was not going to get her way, nor would she be punished for showing her emotions. She got out her frustration in her tantrum, felt better, then moved onto something else.I highly recommend this book. It has saved my sanity and possibly my relationship with my daughter. I look forward to reading more from these authors.

I was really disappointed after reading this book. It is definitely not for parents who believe in attachment parenting. This book is anti attachment parenting! Author definitely doesn't believe in nursing past a year and not only advocates CIO but also suggests you go cold turkey because according to her your baby can't tell the difference between 5 minutes & 5 hours! Author if can't encourage extended nursing, shouldn't discourage it by giving ridiculous explanation like it can disrupt your babies sense of autonomy and misguide new mothers. Tons of research has been done on millions of benefits of nursing beyond one year, which were not even mentioned in the book. I don't recommend this book to anyone! This book does tell you not to yell, spank and use punitive methods. It does discourage schedule feeding. If you are reading other gentle discipline books, this book doesn't have much to offer.

....into buying a book that talks about my baby learning to "manipulate me" if I nurse s/he to sleep or hold s/he "too much." The authors in this book are also obviously not fans of nursing past 12 months OR allowing children to sleep with their parents-two key elements when discussing "attachment Parenting" which, according to Dr. William Sears, sets the ground stage for a happy toddlerhood. Most of the gentle discipline techniques in this book are worth being reminded of, however, are truly common sense when dealing with a toddler and if are not already part of your daily parenting routine, basic parenting classes should DEFINATELY be a priority. Of course, no book can emphasize enough that hitting/slapping/spanking is inappropriate discipline (and this book does a great job of that), but I feel if you are reading this book you probably already know that and are looking for better answers. I recommend "Kids are Worth It" by Barbara Coloroso instead. Most of the gentle discipline techniqes parallel each other in a reading environment that gives more confidence in parental lifestyle choice. Also, "The Discipline Book" by the Sears' is a definite keeper.

Nelson (along with Cheryl Erwin and Roslyn Duffy) presents yet another "parent workshop"-in-book-form concerning how appropriately to discipline a child. In this case, she focuses on 0-3 year olds. Like her other books, the philosophy reads well, but whereth thine credible references?Again, no Galinsky, Bronfenbrenner, Lawrence-Lightfoot, Brazelton/Greenspan, or Comer citations exist within her writing. Any parent-related book of serious integrity would include ideas from these foundational experts.Nevertheless, I can say that her philosophy falls in proximity of their ideas.Not a bad book to keep on the shelf, but I suggest using other, more scholarly texts, in conjunction with this one.

very good